A successful single practices the four steps for Conscious Dating: Scouting, Sorting, Screening, and Testing.
1. Scouting: the process of finding people to meet. A successful single scouts in high quality, closely aligned attraction venues and has an effective network/support system. It is where you go with an intention of meeting someone and with awareness of how you present yourself.
2. Sorting: the process of quickly determining if someone you meet is someone whom you would like to get to know. A successful single initiates contact with people, uses the Power Introduction, or similar techniques to get enough information quickly and authentically to make a pro-active decision (being the
“Chooser”) and act on it by taking the next step or disengaging gracefully.
Sorting ideally takes about 5 minutes. Move forward to get to know someone only if there is some sense that your requirements might be met and if there is chemistry. This step is about sorting out those who might and those who might not meet your requirements. It is like going through a rack of clothes to decide what you take into the dressing room.
3. Screening: the process of getting enough information to determine if someone meets your Requirements or not. A successful single is assertive, patient, has boundaries, is realistic/practical, and does not get involved with anyone who does not appear to meet all relationship Requirements.
Screening can occur during an afternoon walk or a series of telephone calls and e-mails over a week or two. This phase takes no more than 2-4 weeks to see if there is congruity between your experience and the presentation of the person. Keep this phase non-exclusive because the intention in this phase is to decide whether you are going to proceed to get to know this person more deeply. Observe how they are with waiters, with other people; is there chemistry, what criteria are you using?
4. Testing: the process of gaining experience and knowledge about the relationship and the potential partner to determine if the person meets your relationship criteria. In screening you are collecting information, usually self reported. In testing you are seeking experience and knowledge that your requirements would be met before you decide to become exclusive and enter into a pre-committed relationship, where the testing will continue. Is it a good fit? Do they and will they support your ideal relationship?
Set up some tests that your partner has to pass, e.g., reaction to your animals, do you share movies and react similarly, if you are delayed at work, how does your “date” react? What tests can you set up that will be “tells” for you? Testing is an important period that can last several months in which you are consciously and patiently getting to know your partner before becoming exclusive and emotionally invested. You are ready to disengage if the relationship isn’t aligned with our Vision and Requirements, as well as the harder to quantify criterion such as “chemistry, “ “fit,” “intuition,” etc.
The goal of a Conscious Dater is to “screen out” as many potential candidates as possible, rather than to try to be inclusive and “screen in.” Your criteria have been developed with a great deal of thought and self-reflection. Don’t be tempted to lower your standards for any reason (fear, chemistry, etc.). Feel confident you know what you want and believe that you will get it! Is your vision and their vision the same?
If you were to design a community that were perfect for you what would it look like? What would it do and how would it function?